King Arthur - A Review

So baby Moses was pushed down the Thames before his father was killed by the Young Pope, who was cosplaying as Skeletor.
While the Young Pope was building the Tower of Orthanc, Moses changed his name to Arthur, grew up with the Artful Dodger, and took up MMA.
When the Sword of Omens finally reveals itself, Arthur pulls it from the stone and, after a trip to Dagobah, is able to use it to see the Matrix.
With the rest of the Flying Columns, he enters the Death Star and defeats the end of level boss in the Chamber of Secrets.
Also Littlefinger is there for some reason.
This all happens in Guy Ritchie's film - I'm not making any of it up.